Loss of Everything
by Kipcha
Summary: The chill of the winter air was ignored as Tomoya ran his finger over the engraved name in the tombstone for the thousandth time, hardly believing it was truly real. No matter how much he loved her, everyone knew she was never coming back. A talk between Akio and Tomoya.


A father's number one wish in life was for his daughter to be happy.

This generally consisted of a few key ingredients. A good, stable home life. Love from their parents. Friends. An overall positive environment.

Oh, yeah. And a boy.

He always dreaded the last bit. Akio's darling little Nagisa would simply never find someone truly good enough for her, of that Akio has always been certain. Sweet, timid, kind and always willing to lend a helping hand, Nagisa had always been an easy target for the wolves. He would never trust any boy with his darling little girl.

His mind did not change when he met Tomoya Okazaki.

Delinquent. Smart-mouthed. Quick witted. Mischievous. A liar. A brawler. He was from a completely different world then Nagisa. One look could tell anyone that Tomoya Okazaki was a recipe for disaster.

Yet, something about the boy struck a chord with him. Despite all better judgement he had to admit, he liked him. Despite Nagisa's overwhelming charms and adorable looks, Tomoya seemed to hold strong against his daughter. While it chafed at his fatherly pride a little, he admitted to himself that this was a good thing. They could be friends of course, there was nothing wrong with that. If anything, Tomoya Okazaki could almost be an asset to Akio's cause. Despite being a snot nosed little punk, Tomoya could be intimidating should the situation call for it. Akio was not able to be around Nagisa twenty-four-seven, no matter how badly he wished it, so a guard dog might not be so bad.

Allowing the boy to move in had been nothing more then Sanae and Nagisa guilting him into it. It surely had nothing to do with his personal feelings.

Or, so he told himself.

But then, they became something more.

At first, he had been skeptical. The boy would need to earn Nagisa's hand. He would need to earn Akio's trust.

Despite himself, he found himself approving. He allowed them to marry. At the time, he had grudgingly thought that giving his daughter to him had been the best move he had ever made. They loved each other very deeply, anyone with eyes could see this. While he didn't understand it himself, he brought Nagisa great joy. And for a time, all of them were happier then they had ever been.

Now, he wished more then anything that they had never taken that step. That the boy had never fallen for his daughter, as much as it pained him to think it. Because as he watched the beaten, wounded, weak creature before him wither away, doing little more then sitting by her graveside for days on end, he couldn't help but feel the quilt seep in.

He had lost his daughter, but he still had Sanae. They would support one another. No matter how horrible the pain, no matter how many times one would wake crying in the night, no matter how often their footsteps would freeze merely walking down the street because they would see something that reminded them of her, they would always have one another. And Ushio. That little baby had begun to heal in ways they could have never imagined.

Yet, there the boy sat, alone.

Rain or shine, he sat, his once lively and brilliant eyes glazed over to a zombie-like state. His posture slumped as he stared at her name, at the picture and incense that burned before him. Every once in a while he would reach out and run his hand along the engraving, as if uncertain it were truly there, before falling back into the void once more.

He didn't eat. He drank very little. His body withered and his life leaked from it, leaving nothing but a shell behind. For weeks he was on constant surveillance, those who cared fearing that he would attempt to take his life. That he would attempt to join her, whether he meant to or not.

But he never did.

Akio wondered if he simply didn't have it in him to leave his baby girl without a father, no matter how lifeless he may be.

* * *

"Hey."

No response. As per usual.

They were off to a great start.

Ignoring the lack of greeting, Akio plopped down beside Tomoya, who gave no sign of noticing his presence. The older man rummaged through the plastic grocery bag, pulling out a package of instant ramen and a thermos of hot water Sanae had prepared not minutes ago.

He ripped the top off and poured the water in, adding the flavor and mixing it together. The smell of beef ramen fill the air and despite himself, Akio felt his mouth begin to water. For just a moment he debated eating some but the memory of Sanae immediately swam into his mind.

_"This is Tomoya-kun's." She told him, unusually stern. "I haven't seen him eat in weeks. Your job is to bring this to him and get him to eat it. Understand?"_

Akio huffed, enjoying the heat the ramen brought to his hands. Tiny snowflakes danced around his vision, the dry earth catching the first few that landed. His breath hung in the air, the chill seeping through his clothes into his very bones.

"Cold one today." He murmered, stirring the ramen and lifting some experimentally with the chopsticks, hoping to waft the smell in Tomoya's direction. "Good thing this ramen is so warm." He snorted, swirling the mixture. "And don't even think about asking for any."

Akio risked a glance in Tomoya's direction. Not a twitch.

Not that he expected anything different.

He sighed. He was freezing and part of him wanted to drop the noodles and go home, but another part of him blatantly refused the thought. This was partially his fault, for allowing the entire situation to happen. His baby girl was dead and this boy was carrying the grief of it all on his fragile, breaking shoulders. He had failed his duty as a father and he needed to make it right.

He attempted a different tactic.

"Ushio is getting bigger by the day." He told him. Much to his surprise, a flicker passed through Tomoya's eyes, something faint but still there. Finally, a little progress. "Sanae and I have been spoiling her with toys already, she's such a good little girl. I remember Na-" His voice caught and Akio cursed himself for nearly losing it again. "Nagisa used to cry so much, Sanae and I were always so afraid we were doing something wrong but Ushio, she's so quiet and calm. Smart too, you can tell just by looking into those big brown eyes that she's going to be the most wonderful woman when she grows up. Nagisa would have been proud. She wanted a girl terribly, you know. She would have loved a boy too, of course, but she always wanted her own little baby girl..."

Akio nearly jumped in surprise when the boy murmured something too quiet to hear. Trying to push down the shock in his voice, Akio forced himself to sound annoyed.

"What did you say boy? Speak up!"

Tomoya glanced in his direction. "I said, she hardly even got to see her."

"But she did see her." Akio reminded him. "And she was glad to know she had done something so miraculous."

"That miracle came with a heavy price."

"Nagisa loved Ushio." Snapped Akio harshly, "And you do as well, I remember the look on your face when you first saw her. It's about time you start acting like it." He tossed the bowl over, some of the broth sloshing out into the light dusting of snow. "Eat the damned noodles."

Tomoya glanced at the mixture before setting it back down on the bench, his eyes returning to the tombstone before him. Akio whipped out a cigarette, his hands shaking with frustration and grief. His lighter flickered and he nearly dropped it in the snow. Much to his shame, he felt tears begin to prick his eyes, but he refused to allow those tears to fall. His daughter, gone. His family, broken. The baby, practically an orphan. The boy, dead to the world.

He should have done his duty as a Father. He should never have let them marry. Too young, he tried to hard, she was just too weak...

All his own fault._ Nagisa..._

"How do you do it?"

Akio inhaled too deeply, choking slightly to clear his lungs of smoke. "W-What?"

Tomoya did not look at him, nor show any indication that he was truly speaking to him, but repeated the question anyways. "How do you do it?"

Akio raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the bench, looking far more relaxed then he truly felt. "Do what?"

"...Continue." For a moment, emotion bled into Tomoya's voice for the first time in months. His frown deepened and his eyes shone with something that made Akio's stomach clench "How do you just... Go on? I know I'm not the only one who loved her. But..."

A tear raced down Tomoya's cheek, followed quickly by another, and he made no move to hide them. He was far past the point of hiding behind a mask of sarcasm and bravado. He was broken in ways that Akio doubted could ever truly be fixed.

"Why is it I'm the only one who can't seem to let go? Why am I the only one who can't stop seeing her? It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, she's _always_ there. There are times when I swear I can still hear her voice. I dream of her every night. She just talks about Ushio and us and all the things we're going to do together. Nothing particularly special, just... Everyday things. But then I wake up. Then I wake up and the sheets are cold beside me and I remember she's gone and it just... Hurts all over again! Every morning, I lose her. Every morning, she dies. And I can never do anything to stop it or prevent it. It's all my fault, if I had just... I can't... I can't take it..."

Tomoya's hands raised to wind through his hair, the tears continuing to flow fast and strong. "I used to think I was miserable, that things couldn't get worse. When Mom died, the old man was ruined. I thought he had taken away everything, especially after what he did to my shoulder... I was an idiot. Never before have I ever felt this empty. I feel nothing and somehow, I wonder how it could ever hurt this badly. Nagis-" His voice choked away, unable to continue on. A torn sound escaped his throat as he attempted to get everything under control again, to bury it away somewhere deep inside, but he just couldn't seem to do it now that the feelings had been released.

Akio felt the knife in my chest do a cruel twist as a sob broke from the boy before him. This was what true love, true devotion looked like.

He hated it.

He hated what it had done, what he had allowed. He hated that his little girl was gone, that this shell of a man was left to rot in front of her grave, never again to be reunited. He hated the way his own throat constricted, the way he was reminded of his own dreams of Nagisa, safe with he and Sanae, the chill that went so much further then his skin, into his very soul. The way they tried to spend every waking minute with Ushio, reserving Nagisa for the night when they were both vulnerable to her. To realizing that they're precious child was gone.

"I'm sorry." Tomoya hiccuped, pressing his palms to his forehead, "I'm so sorry. I never... I... Nagisa..."

Akio watched for a moment before hesitantly reaching out and winding his arm around the boys shoulders, faintly noting how much smaller they seemed, all fight taken out of them. Tomoya hesitated for a moment before leaning over, putting the smallest amount of weight on Nagisa's father as he continued to cry, the snow still falling on them, the world continuing on as if nothing happened while everything crumbled around the men on the bench.

The ramen cooled, forgotten, as both men mourned the loss of their everything.


End file.
